Reading Masks Are Bullshit: The Introductions, Part 1

This entry is part 1 of 4 in the series Masks Are Bullshit

So, I saw that Kevin J. Johnston was offering his e-book, Masks are Bullshit, for free on his website. It is full of his COVID denialist nonsense, hastily written to try to jump on the right-wing grifter gravy train that made a lot of hay out of demonizing measures to control the spread of COVID-19. And I’ve decided to start a new thing called my Crazy Book Club, where I write deep-dives of crazy books by right-wingers.

Originally, I was going to try to cover both the introductions here (yes, Kevin has two introductions at the front of his book). However, as I was writing this, I noticed it getting pretty long and meandering and I figured the introductions had to be tackled separately (for obvious reasons).

Introduction to the Heroes (or as he calls them, “Villains”)

We see our first typo in the first paragraph of the first chapter of the book. With this sentence, Kevin J. Johnston clearly shows the care he puts into editing this steaming pile of what he claims masks are.

There are people in this book who are famous in Canada but are nobody’s [sic] in the USA and in reality are nobody’s [sic] in life at all.

Kevin J. Johnston in Masks are Bullshit, page 6

Looks like someone needs to read The Oatmeal’s comic about apostrophes. But he hammers on from bad grammar to weird, unsubstantiated claims like this, which is literally the next two sentences in the first paragraph:

All it takes to become a celebrity in Canada is to make a brazen statement that you hate America and that you are pro-pedophilia and VOILA! The country knows you and loves you for some reason.

Kevin J. Johnston in Masks are Bullshit, page 6

There is most assuredly a semblance of Canadian anti-American sentiment, sure, but it is wildly unreasonable to assert that many people in Canada are “pro-pedophilia”. I honestly have no clue why he thinks this is the case or on what basis he’s making this claim.

Johnston loves America

Johnston writes a whole paragraph about his beliefs about America, which show how divorced he is from actually understanding America.

Unfortunately America, with the current government and current mindset of the far left in Canada, Canada is not your friend. The left and our government wish to bring about the destruction of America and that makes me very sad. I for one have always loved the United States, I love American Ingenuity, American nationalism, American pride in their achievements and the way that Americans support each other. Canadians could learn not one but six dozen lessons from y’all but that is not the point of this book.

Kevin J. Johnston in Masks are Bullshit, page 6

I will admit that my sentiments about America track closely to Mike Gogulski’s in his essay, Unabashed anti-Americanism. The only place where Mike and I differ is his distaste for what he describes as “New Deal Socialism”.

I’ve lived in Canada since mid-November 2019 and was born and raised in the United States. I would say that the United States has a lot to learn from Canada. Though, I would say that Canadian industry does rely on Canada’s better and more sensible immigration system to bring high quality, foreign talent to Canada.

However, I will agree that Canada should take one thing from the United States. Namely, Canadian provinces should have the ability to nab fugitives hiding out in another province, avoiding prison sentences.

Bonnie Crombie

Bonnie Crombie is the mayor of Mississauga, Ontario. And yes, Kevin does provide something of use in talking about Bonnie Crombie – namely, a handy guide on how to pronounce Mississauga (“Mrs. Saw Guh”).

A collage of three pictures of Bonnie Crombie, on the right are two photos, one superimposed over the other, with the caption "Brain-Dead Bonnie's Real Face" and the other with her smiling with the caption "What the Donator's [sic] see". The two photos show images with an unhappy or stern facial expression.
“Donator’s”. Your editor should be fired, Kevin.

If you know anything about the relationship between Kevin J. Johnston and Bonnie Crombie, you can understand why she would not be thrilled to see this man.

Can Crombie Debate?

He also claims that Mrs. Crombie cannot debate, yet if you watch the few available videos of candidate forums from the time when Kevin J. Johnston and Bonnie Crombie were running for mayor, you’ll see that Crombie came away the better candidate.

And clearly, I’m not the only one who thought so.

Now, I’ll give credit where credit is due and admit that I was impressed by Kevin in this debate in one aspect. Though it was based on my low standards for him. He didn’t open with some fucked up racist bullshit. However, he is wrong in his book. He claims that Bonnie Crombie relies on teleprompters and is thus “brain-dead”. This is manifestly untrue as clearly, in this debate, there were no teleprompters to be found. So clearly, it is Kevin J. Johnston which is full of bullshit, not masks.

Crombie as a member of the Muslim Brotherhood

Additionally, Kevin accuses her of being a member of the Muslim Brotherhood. However, Kevin offers no evidence to substantiate this claim. Which is par for the course for him, as he accuses plenty of people of all sorts of untrue nonsense. Kevin lost fair and square in court multiple times for this. Kevin was found culpable for lying about a Muslim restauranteur Mohammad Fakih, the owners of a private strip of beach, and an AHS health officer. He refused to stop defaming Mr. Fakih, even after a court ordered him to do so, thus earning himself an 18 month sentence in an Ontario prison. A sentence he has yet to serve.

So, I have no evidence to believe that Bonnie Crombie is a member of the Muslim Brotherhood. Kevin cites nothing to substantiate this claim in his book. However, I have plenty of evidence to demonstrate that Kevin has made similar accusations against others and has lost in court every time. So, despite his claim in Masks are Bullshit that Crombie is a member of the Muslim Brotherhood, it turns out once again that Kevin J. Johnston is clearly full of bullshit, not masks.

Doug Ford

Kevin uses Doug Ford to whine about the premiers of Canada, claiming that there are ten of them. However, this is factually untrue. The territories have premiers too. So, despite his claim that “all 10 of our premiers are” “gutless turds”, this is clearly not true on the numbers alone.

A gif from Futurama with. an old man saying, "You are technically correct. The best kind of correct."

But I’m not satisfied with just being technically correct. I know that, more or less, none of the premiers are the “gutless turds” that Kevin wants to misrepresent them as. These premiers made the unpopular choice to lock down the provinces and mandate masks. They took the hits so that the public can be protected from the pandemic. They lived up to their role as public servants. It is dishonest to misrepresent them as “gutless turds”. Especially the conservative politicians who stood up to their fanatical base and took a stand for public health. Even with his current controversy, we shouldn’t ignore the few times in which conservative governments did the right thing.

Kevin Loves Rob Ford

I think I should let Kevin tell you about his love affair with former mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford. In fact, Kevin devotes an entire paragraph in Masks are Bullshit to his love affair with former Toronto mayor, Rob Ford.

Doug Ford is the brother of the late and the great Rob Ford. You might have remembered Rob Ford on the Jimmy Kimmel show wearing a bright red tie as the mayor of Toronto. Rob Ford had a larger-than-life personality and had the balls to tackle every problem that was brought before him as the mayor. Regrettably, his brother Doug is less than one-one-thousandth the man that Rob was and has proven to us all that a premier of a province, when they have no balls can do little more than destroy the province and the lives of everyone within it.

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, pages 8-9

No, I don’t remember Rob Ford from Jimmy Kimmel. Rather, I remember hearing about him from the Colbert Report. I remember all the comedians covering his fall from grace and him smoking crack.

But maybe that’s not fair? I’m certainly no local to Toronto, never even been to Toronto. But I think the fact that locals to the GTA are making signature hot dogs and burgers to clown on Ford shows what the people think of him.

I think Doug Ford has to play himself as more mellow and sane, considering the legacy of his brother. But let’s not forget, Kevin is using Doug as a proxy by which to attack all of Canada’s premiers, claiming they are “gutless turds” just because they wouldn’t capitulate to the far-right bleating about mask mandates.

Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus

Admittedly, this is the first person on this list who I actually had to look up. Apart from using an unflattering photo of him (to the right) and claiming Dr. Ghebreyesus “is one really bad dude” and is “dictating what morality is to everyone”, he doesn’t really talk about any other measurable claims so we’re keeping the section on Tedros (mercifully) short. Which is good, because so far, I’ve written over 1,400 words and I know that’s a lot of time to ask people to invest.

Hmm, maybe a funny video at the end to keep us all going towards the end? Actually, no, we shouldn’t wait that long. I just read the next section and I think we deserve an intermission for what’s coming next.

Justin Trudeau

Oh boy. This is where shit gets back on the crazy train. Though, to be fair, have we really left it? Kevin uses this opportunity to turn the crazy dial up to 11 and run us off the tracks. He literally used the first word in his section on Trudeau to call him a “jihadi”. The picture to the left is what we get for Justin Trudeau in Masks are Bullshit. But that’s not all we get. Oh, no. Kevin goes on a whole tirade, claiming Canada’s a corporation and that Trudeau is “Prime Minister of the Corporation of Canada” (page 10). He then claims that Trudeau is the worst prime minister Canada ever had and that “ever will be”.

In short, Kevin J. Johnston is totally sane and doesn’t need mental health care at all.

Kevin thinks Trudeau is a communist

A screenshot from. the e-book to demonstrate that no, I didn't leave out the "is" in that block quote. Kevin left it out of the original.
Yes, I had to add a screenshot of the e-book just to show that no, he did NOT add the “is” between “He” and “100%”. Remember, this is a book he wanted to charge people money for.

He 100% competent at destroying Canada, and that destruction is by design. His father, Pierre Elliot Trudeau was Prime Minister of Canada from 1968 to 1979 then again from 1980 to 1984. Pierre Elliot Trudeau was a COMMUNIST, like his son. Pierre Elliot Trudeau worshiped MAO ZEDONG, the Chinese dictator who killed almost 100 million of his own people. Justin Trudeau worships modern-day China and is proud of his family’s communist leanings.

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, page 10.

Ignoring for a second that Kevin left out the “is” when he wrote “He 100% competent”, Kevin is actually claiming that both Pierre and Justin Trudeau were/are communists. Yes, that’s right, Kevin thinks that Trudeau, a key participant in the SNC-Lavalin and WE Charity scandals, is somehow a communist.

But it gets crazier.

Kevin thinks Trudeau is a radical muslim

The other part you don’t know about this man-child is that he is a RADICAL MUSLIM, not a nice Muslim like my neighbour Iqbal who I play ball-hockey with, he is part of a fundamentalist anti-America [sic] group that is bent on the destruction of Canadian values, Christianity and Canada as a whole. Stupid Canadians ignore these truths because Jihad Justin will continue to state that he’ll solve the fiction of man-made Climate Change that stupid Canadians believe is actually possible.

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, pages 10-11

Okay, I have to facepalm at just how idiotic this claim is. In the Principles of Communism, which you’d think “a COMMUNIST” like Kevin claims the Trudeaus are would have read, reads as follows:

All religions so far have been the expression of historical stages of development of individual peoples or groups of peoples. But communism is the stage of historical development which makes all existing religions superfluous and brings about their disappearance.

In response to the question “What will be its attitude to existing religions?”

That would include Islam too. Not sure that’s the position a “RADICAL MUSLIM” would take. Not to mention, America partnered with a group of “RADICAL MUSLIM[S]” to fight the USSR-aligned Afghans in the Cold War. That group of “RADICAL MUSLIM[S] was the Taliban. In fact, there are Muslims that assert that communism is antithetical to their belief system.

However, there are Muslims who would assert that the Qu’ran and Muhammad’s writings could be interpreted in such a way that supports Islamic socialism. However, I doubt these Muslims are the ones that far right-wing radicals like Kevin would consider “radical muslims”.

Also, I’d think Christians have bigger things to worry about than Justin Trudeau. Liberal Christians have to worry about crazy Christians making them look bad. Crazy Christians have to worry about reality demonstrating how crazy they are. Especially with dudes like Kent Hovind trying to undermine the work of sane Christians to make it okay for believers to accept facts like evolution.

Also, one has to ask, what the hell does this claim, even if it were true, have to do with the claim that “masks are bullshit”?

Kevin thinks the mainstream media is on Trudeau’s side

He gave the Main Stream [sic] Media in Canada more than $600 MILLION to speak positively of him, lie about Radical [sic] Islam being good for Canada, lie about climate change, lie about Donald J. Trump, the leader of a different nation, and to completely slander everyone who is on the conservative side of the belief see-saw.

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, page 11

Again, no citations, no proof presented to substantiate these claims. Not to mention the fact that the mainstream media covered the SNC-Lavalin and WE Charity scandals, but as my boyfriend once said, the media didn’t do a good enough job explaining them so that the common people can articulate why these scandals were scandals. This inhibits the political dialogue in Canada.

And when I ran for public office, I made a similar mistake of my opponents. I assumed malice when ignorance would have sufficed. Difference is, I learned from my mistake.

However, Trudeau does benefit from what I think of as the incumbent’s privilege. The incumbent actually holds the office and has the power and responsibility of that office. So the actions of his government (like banning conversion therapy and the COVID economic recovery) get positive coverage.

This privilege, however, turns negative when your government is incompetent and there is nothing positive to report. Like Donald Trump’s was. In fact, Trump’s shitshow of a presidency makes it a relatively easy case to make that Trump was inarguably the worst President of the United States.

Kevin forgets the “charm” in “charm offensive”

Kevin criticizes groups he clearly knows nothing about.

Women in Canada voted for him because he has “nice hair.”

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, page 11.

Stephen Harper had nice hair. What the Liberals had that got people to vote for them were better policy positions. And after over a decade of Harper, the people were hungry for good policy.

Millennials voted for him because he promised open borders to rapists and thugs.

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, page 11.

I’m a millennial and I can tell you that I wouldn’t want borders open “to rapists and thugs”. Again, where the hell is he getting these weird ideas from? Also, Johnston has no room to be talking about other people being “thugs”. Especially given how he treated Dave from Dave’s No Fills up in Dawson Creek, BC.

ISIS members voted for him because he promised to legalize bestiality, which he did!

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, page 11.

No, he didn’t. Section 160 of the Criminal Code still holds bestiality to be criminal.

Beta Cuck males voted for him because maybe they though [sic] he’d get them laid, and he would make it easy for them to stay home and play video games 21 hours per day.

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, page 11.

To be clear, Kevin has provided absolutely no evidence for anything he has said thus far. In fact, while I’ll freely admit that I have yet to read the whole book, I haven’t come across a single footnote or endnote. Also, the reasons why people voted for Justin Trudeau have nothing to do with the claim that masks are bullshit.

Kevin thinks Justin should be ashamed of being a feminist

In bringing up yet another irrelevant issue to the question of whether or not masks are bullshit, Kevin talks about the question of whether or not Trudeau is a feminist. Now, that would go against Kevin’s claim of Trudeau being a “radical muslim” but would be in line with Kevin’s claim of Justin being a “communist”.

Feminists voted for him because he claimed to be a feminist, and because feminists in Canada all share the same barely-available 11 IQ points. There is almost nothing worse and more militant in Canada than a Lesbian-Feminist Justin Trudeau fan.

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, pages 11-12.

So, like in the previous part, he’s on about attacking feminists, claiming that “feminists in Canada all share the same barely-available 11 IQ points”, even though there’s nothing about supporting equal rights for women that makes someone less intelligent. Also, even though he claims “there is almost nothing worse than a Lesbian-Feminist Justin Trudeau fan”, he doesn’t go on to say why.

Meanwhile, I can articulate why I think there’s nothing worse than a Karen convoy participant in Canada. Not just the fact that they defaced the Terry Fox memorial. Not just the fact that they terrorized the residents of Ottawa for three weeks until the federal government invoked the Emergencies Act for the first time since it replaced the War Measures Act. In fact, the residents of Ottawa themselves described it as such:

People who live and work in downtown Ottawa endured several weeks of widespread human rights abuse, amidst a climate of threats, fear, sexual harassment and intimidation marked by racism, misogyny, antisemitism, Islamophobia, homophobia, transphobia, and other expressions of hate and intolerance

Part I, what we heard” (Archived), Ottawa People’s Commission on the Convoy Occupation, page 3

You see what I just did there? I cited my sources. I used multiple sources to support my allegations. Kevin hasn’t done that at all. He makes a lot of claims but cites no evidence to support them.

Kevin is hard at work in the quote mines

Brace yourself, because Kevin was clearly hard at work in the quote mines.

Mercifully, this is how the first intro ends. I’ve been working on this for the past five hours. I know I’m ready for this to be over.

Kevin is puzzled that a man thinks we shouldn’t have an irrational fear of the word “feminist”.

Justin Trudeau has made public statements like:

“We shouldn’t be afraid of the word feminist. Men and women should use it to describe themselves.”

HUH??? A man said this???

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, page 12.

Yes, Kevin, it is possible for men to be feminists. There is a larger conversation on the role men have in feminism, but I would argue that it makes more sense for a man to be a feminist if he’s at all interested in preserving the rights and freedoms of all men and women. But again, this has nothing to do with the claim that masks are bullshit.

The Fourth Estate and Kevin’s fascination with smurf porn

“I don’t read the newspapers I don’t watch the news. I figure if something important happens, someone will tell me.”

WHAT??? Hey Justin, Smurfette chose to blow Hefty Smurf, and not Handy Smurf in Parliament! Important enough for ya?

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, page 12

This quote, uttered 22 years ago, is more indicative of Gen X’s relationship with the fourth estate. I won’t dare to comment on the quality of journalistic standards in his day, but to a certain extent, I wish I could share his view. As Thomas Jefferson once said of the newspapers,

Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle. The real extent of this state of misinformation is known only to those who are in situations to confront facts within their knowledge with the lies of the day […] I will add, that the man who never looks into a newspaper is better informed than he who reads them; inasmuch as he who knows nothing is nearer to truth than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods & errors. He who reads nothing will still learn the great facts, and the details are all false.

Letter from Thomas Jefferson to John Norvell, Date: June 11, 1807, Page 2 of 3, Source Collection: The Thomas Jefferson Papers at the Library of Congress, Series 1: General Correspondence. 1651-1827, Microfilm reel 038.

I find the work of independent journalists such as Erin Reed and community sites such as Xtra Magazine, Out Front Magazine, Washington Blade, and Pink News much more reliable than more general outlets like the New York Times and the Guardian.

Not sure why he’s talking about the sexual habits of Smurfs, though. Maybe Kevin would be better served spending his time looking for Rule 34 of the Smurfs that writing unhinged rants about anyone and everyone he perceives as having wronged him.

Kevin doesn’t understand that actions have consequences

“When you’re a baby, you are a scientist…”


Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, page 12

I can see why Kevin doesn’t like this quote.

He doesn’t like the fact that babies can figure out that if they do x, they get y as a response. The things Kevin does, including defaming people, assaulting shopkeepers, and other such fuckery yields negative results. Because, as a whole, we decided as a society we don’t like it when assholes go up to random people and assault them unprovoked.

And in case it wasn’t clear before, yes, Kevin assaulted Dave in Dawson Creek. Here is a side by side comparison of the different versions of the video, from different angles.

Kevin can’t be arsed to remove the frivolous speech elements

This quote was a pain in the ass to parse.

How about his gem about TRADE with the Americans:

“UHH-we import UHH more steel that the Americans
UHH ex-UHHH-import UHHH…sorry. We have a significant
trade surplu-Americans had a traditi-significant trade
surplus with us on steel which means…UHHH…we buy steel
from them, they buy steel from us.”

WOW, it’s true that ski-instructors know nothing about

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, pages 12-13

What about unemployable grifters who can’t cite a source to save their life? I tried searching up this quote but I couldn’t find a reliable source that has Trudeau saying this. Closest I could find is someone on LinkedIn posting this.

Kevin J. Johnston blames Trudeau for his inability to find work

“The very concept of a nation founded by European
settlers is offensive to me. Old stock White Canadians are an
unpleasant relic, and quite frankly, replaceable. And we will
replace them.”

YES, he said this when asked about the danger of his
open borders policy. If you are a white family that can’t find
work in Canada, this is why. HE is why.

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, page 13

Unlike many of the quotes Kevin used, this one is an utter fake. And honestly, as someone who passes for white, I think it’s manifestly untrue. The only places I’ve found trouble looking for work is in conservative strongholds like Alberta. When I was living in the Yukon, I was able to find work much more easily.

Though, I think Kevin is unable to find work because he has chosen to be a right-wing douche. That and he has multiple judgments against him and grifting makes it easier for him to evade collection.

Domestic terrorist Kevin is incensed that international terrorists have equal protection for their citizenship.

And now my favorite:

“The Liberal Party believes that TERRORISTS should get to keep their Canadian citizenship. Because I do; and I’m willing to take on anyone who disagrees with that.”

Yeah, he said it to a live audience who thought he was doing stand up. Canadians have a lot to learn about selecting their leaders.

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, page 13

Yes, Kevin, Justin Trudeau said that. And do you know why he said that? Because Justin Trudeau believes that naturalized Canadians should have just as much protection for their citizenship as natural-born Canadians do.

And Kevin and his friend Artur Pawlowski should be grateful for that fact. In fact, the terrorism that Pawlowski and the Karen Convoy participants engaged in is more of a threat to Canada than international terrorism. The people who believed that masks are bullshit engaged in domestic terrorism.

I of course am willing to take him on, but since I would use words with more than 1 syllable, he wouldn’t understand me.

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, page 13

It wouldn’t be Kevin J. Johnston without ending on an ad hominem attack.

In conclusion: The First Introduction

Let’s begin this book.

Kevin J. Johnston, Masks are Bullshit, page 13

Can we not? Please, can we not?

Nah, I’ve already written this. I’m already this far in. Let’s fucking do this. I’ll have the next installation of this shit show written next week. Even though Kevin claims “Masks are Bullshit”, it’s clear that it’s Kevin that is full of bullshit.

That was a lot to write. I can’t imagine it would have been better for you to read. But we got through this together, so I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And as for that reward I promised…

Hopefully, next week’s takedown of the second introduction won’t be as bad.

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